Civil War, as told by Luis
by Pilot Abilene
Summary: Captain America: Civil War, told by Luis from Ant-Man.


Okay, okay.

..so like this bad Bonehead dude wants to blow some things up, and the Avengers come swooping in to save the day. They flash their bomb moves, but Bonehead's about to use like, his real bomb when the Red Witch girl just locks him up like WAH! but it's not strong enough to stop the place from getting blown up, so this government guy comes in like, "You need to be controlled and sign this thing." and Iron Man's like "Yeah that's smart." and Captain America's like "Naw, man. That's lame." Then another building gets blown up, and it looks like Cold Soulja did it. So then the Cold Soulja fights the law with his badass skills, running around like WAP WAP WAP, but the Black Panther is running after him like NYOOOOOMMM and he wants to catch him because his Dad was giving that speech when the building got blown up. I know, that's deep..

So Captain's hiding the Cold Soulja after a while, you know, cause they're like, super tight with each other and Iron Man's like 'You gotta give him up' and Captain's like "Bump that. He didn't do it.", so they get word down that the real bad guy Zemo is like, "I'm going to reactivate the other super assassins HYDRA got laying around." and Captain's like "For real?" so he grabs his crew and they run down to get a plane and Iron Man and all the peeps that wanted to sign the thing block their way and say, "You gotta come with us." and Captain's like "Bump that." so they rumble, you know, VROOM RAHRRRR WAP WAP BLAM BLAM BLAM! and there's this new cat on the scene with these web shooters like PFFZZTT PFFZTTT! lacing up everybody left and right, and my boy Scotty's like "Look, I don't wanna hurt you, lady." but the Black Widow gets him down like OW-

They keep fighting all over the place until everyone's like 'We gotta stop that plane yo." or "We gotta get on that plane yo." So my boy Scotty's like, "I got this distraction bro, I hope it works." and he uses his suit to get like, crazy stupid big and grabs the War Machine out of the air like I GOT YOU FOOL! HA HA HA HA HA HA! and Spider-dude's like, "I got this..." and swings around, roping Scotty's knees... I always knew Scotty's knees was like his weak point cause of this one time when-

Anyway, he goes down like OW and the Panther's coming after Cold Soulja like, "You killed my Father", and Black Widow comes out like, "I know I'm supposed to stop you guys but you need to bounce right now." and hits Panther with the taser DT-DT-DT-DT-DT so they can get away. The Vision dude comes in like, "You need to surrender", and blasts at the dudes runnin' but the beam hits War Machine instead. Falcon Man's like, "I'm sorry." and Iron Man's like, BAM!

So my boy Scotty and the crew go to jail after Captain and Cold Soulja get away, and Iron Man's like, "I think Captain's right. I think there's someone doing this to us." and Captain's like, "I told you!" and Cold Soulja's like _-grunt, nod-_ So then the bad guy comes down and he's already got the other cold guys laid out, you know cold like dead, cause that wasn't even his real plan.

He's like, "Here's my real plan! I'm gonna tear the Avengers apart with this!" and plays this tape, on this tape, Cold Soulja's tearing up Iron Man's Mama and Daddy, so then things get real. Like, Iron Man goes after Cold Soulja like "You killed my Mom." and Captain's like, "He was brainwashed." and Iron Man's like "You knew and didn't tell me, really not cool!" and Iron Man blows off Cold Soulja's arm like BOOM! and gets him down, goes in for the kill but Captain's like, "Bump that.".

They go one-on-one and Captain gets rocking with them combos until Iron Man's like, "I'm analyzing your moves, dude. Check this!" and starts hitting back, tells Captain like, "Stay down, man. I ain't playin'." and Captain's like "Bring it." So then Captain breaks Iron Man's suit and helps Cold Soulja get away, and Iron Man's like, "You don't deserve that shield! My Daddy made that shield!" and Captain's like, "FINE GEEZ." CLANG.

Then Big Bad's like, "My mission is complete. I avenged my family. I win." But he goes to pull the trigger on himself and Panther comes in like, "Nuh-uh. You're going to the jail, bad dude." Then Captain breaks my boy Scotty and the crew out of jail and throws Iron Man a line like, "Peace, bro. Hope we can be boys again one day. If you need me, I'll be there."


End file.
